Nine Years



I'm not going to ever get over you ♥

This past year has been hard. I've had to make decisions that have changed my entire life path. I've changed the person that I am, or who I thought I was. I've gone new places, met new faces, and seen lots of new things. The experiences I've taken in are miserable and wonderful at the same time.

When things start getting crazy outside of my little bubble, I am always able to retreat back into my own self and regroup. Lucky for me. One thing that always brings me back to square one is him. I realize that this life I'm living needs to be extra special. Extra fulfilling. Extra full of love and happiness and everything wonderful and beautiful this life has to offer. I guess you could say that I'm living for two.

This year, I tried to keep myself occupied so as not to spend the day wallowing in self pity, and crying over something that I have already spent so much time crying over. I already have too much on my plate that I'm dealing with. "Nick Day" could very well have been the straw that broke the camel's back, and sent me straight into a nervous breakdown. I thought if I avoided the situtation altogether that this year, for the first time in nine years, I could go on like everyone else - pretending that April 12th was a day just like any other. I purposely made plans to stay as busy as possible. I went out to the bar Thursday night, hoping that I could spend all day Friday sleeping and/or hungover, and when I woke up, the day would be over and I could go another year without dealing with it. Boy - was I wrong.

I once wrote about how Nick will surprise me with pictures or momentos to make sure I'm thinking about him. Turns out I may be right.

This year I tried my hardest to push him from my mind. I wanted this day to be just another day. I would wake up, go about my business, stay busy, and when the time came, go to bed with a clear mind and a not-so-heavy heart.

When I logged into Facebook, I was overwhelmed by all the people who had been posting old photos on this day. Photos I had never seen before. These were pictures that surprised me, made me catch my breath, and gave me the butterflies. I got the same feeling you get when you are just walking down the street, minding your own business, and you run into someone from the past that totally takes you by surprise.



There's that handsome red head - that smile is because he's doing what he loved to do!

 

Youth Camp

The pictures from Youth Camp were the ones that caught me the most. This camping trip was where we were interviewing each other, and when Nick said that I was his best friend. To this day, that was the best thing I have ever heard.

I can't thank everyone enough for posting these old photos. After nine years, I am still discovering these little hidden gems. Nick has been saving them for when I need them - and him - the most. I can't express how appreciative I am for that.

At one point in my life, there will come a day that I will have lived more years without Nick than I got to live with Nick. I dread that day.  I dread it more than I can possibly describe. I hope and trust that even then he will find ways to surprise me and remind me of how lucky I am to be his sister.







It really sinks in, you know - when I see it in stone